You do not have to have it all together to belong at the table.
Y’all, if your holidays look different than the glossy picture on a magazine cover, I see you. If your table is smaller, if your plans include medication schedules and hospital visits, if the laughter you hear is from a show on the TV because your body or someone you love needs rest, this piece is for you. I want to sit with you at the table and remind you of the small, stubborn gifts of faith that keep showing up even when everything else is messy.
Why the holidays can feel so heavy
Holidays were supposed to be easy, right? For a long time I thought they would be the one time life would line up and breathe. But caregiver life rarely lines up the way we imagined. There are days when joy and grief share the same breath. There are days when you celebrate small wins that feel huge to you and your family, and days when you quietly mourn what you thought the season would be. When you are caregiving a child who needs total care, seasons like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays bring extra layers of feeling. They can make you feel grateful and lonely at the same time. If that is your truth, that is okay. Your presence, your care, and your love are holy work.
Faith is not always fireworks. Sometimes faith is the small steady light that stays lit while the rest of the house sleeps.
Three gentle truths to carry you through the holidays
- You do not have to perform joy
The world will pressure you to mirror a postcard. You do not have to perform that. Let your joy come where it can. Let your tears come where they must. Real faith is roomy enough for both.
- Create rituals that honor your present life
Traditions can be adapted. Maybe that means lighting a candle after medications are given, maybe that means a playlist of songs that calm your child, maybe it means a quiet prayer at the window. Rituals do not have to be elaborate to be sacred.
- Let community carry some of the weight
This work was not meant to be done all alone. Let a friend bring a meal. Let church folks sit with you for an hour. Say the words, “I need help,” and watch how God will send hands ready to hold you.
Practical ways to protect your joy and your energy
I have learned small practical things that make a big difference. These are things I do when my body feels brittle and my heart feels too full.
- Meal prep once a week and freeze extras for the busy days.
- Create a simple holiday playlist that calms your child and you.
- Set one realistic expectation for the day and let everything else be okay.
- Use a signal with close family when you need no visitors for rest and privacy.
- Make a short list of three things you can do in five minutes that feel nourishing. Keep that list in your kitchen.
A prayer for caregiver moms to say when the house is quiet
God, when the lights feel too bright and my arms are tired, remind me that I am seen. Give me pockets of peace. Help me accept help when it is offered. Teach me to hold joy and sorrow without shame. Thank you for the small, steady mercies as well as grace that arrive each day. Amen.
A letter to you from my heart
Listen Linda, Listen! I have been there. I remember nights when the house was quiet and the world felt loud with what I could not fix. I remember wringing my hands and thinking I was failing at the season because the lights on the tree did not fix the ache. I also remember just sitting and feeling a small, stubborn hope whisper that this is not the end of the story. Your story keeps being written. Your presence is the most beautiful gift you can give the people who need you most. There is grace for the messy table, for the cancelled plans, for the snack instead of a full feast. There is grace when you choose rest over doing. You are not less because your holidays look different. You are holy because you love through the weariness.
If landing here made you breathe a little easier for even one second, share this with another caregiver that you know!